Let’s lift our love game and learn from Bob

(This article was first published in 2013)

I think it’s so easy to go through married life, taking each other for granted. I spoke with a dear friend who lost his wife recently.  He was musing about how he would love her so differently, if he could.  Listening to him I want to learn from his loss, and not miss out on the lesson in my own marriage.

Here’s what he shared:

“I think back on all the emotion and time we both wasted having conflict over things that are meaningless. I would get “angry” with her and whine when she’d lock her keys in the car for the umpteenth time. Now I see that instead of an annoying waste of time, it was an opportunity to serve her and show her I love her.

Dozens of stupid conflicts . . . when she’d dry a piece of clothing I told her not to and now it fits my son instead of me. Big deal. Leaving the petrol tank empty. Big deal. She’d occasionally leave the oven on all night. Big deal. I’d get mad at her over . . . nothing!

Almost all our conflicts (like leaving the lights on, missing the rubbish truck, leaving the petrol tank empty) were almost always routed in hurting my pride, making things harder for me, wasting my time. Yeah right, like how much time am I getting with her now?

Seriously, giving time and energy to all that kind of pettiness was just a freaking waste. I’d give anything to have those times back and just love her instead.

Secondly, I would concentrate on not taking her for granted. I would try to recognize as many of the  “normal” things she did for me.  I’d acknowledge them, thank her for them, reward her more often for them. I’d end every phone call, email and text with “Love you” and mean it.

On the same line, I wouldn’t take life so much for granted either.

We just don’t know how much time our wife has, our children have, we have. I wouldn’t postpone special times, trips etc. because it was an inconvenient time, or would stretch me financially. I’d make a marriage and family “bucket list” and pursue it with Kathy whole heartedly. Sadly, I have time now, money now, but not Kathy.

Now that I’ve actually written this down and not just mused about them, I’m dreadfully saddened. I was such a fool.”

Wow. Amazing insights from a special man. Precious words. And a great lesson for us all to heed.

As for me, I’m going to try and lift my “love game”.

What about you?

Nikki

Share this article

Spread help and hope by sharing to your favourite platform

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on email
Email

Get new articles delivered to your inbox​

email-tag
email-tag

NEW ARTICLES TO YOUR INBOX

Podcast

Top Articles

Follow us:

Upcoming Events

More Articles

It’s Not About The Money

Have you ever fought about money in your relationship? I bet you have. I bet that some of your fiercest arguments have involved finances. Money …

Read More →

Have I married the wrong person?

Have you ever wondered that you might have married the wrong person? Often when we fall in love, we do so because that person is …

Read More →

Tricky conversations

Nobody likes them, right, and yet we all need to have them if our relationships are going to deepen and grow. I remember having a …

Read More →

The Gift of Sex

Wherever you turn today, sex is in your face. We live in a sex-saturated culture. The suggestion of sex is on billboards, in advertising and …

Read More →

Keeping the Romance Alive

It’s easy to be romantic in the early phases of married life. In the early years love is fresh and exciting, and so we naturally …

Read More →

Let’s lift our love game and learn from Bob

(This article was first published in 2013) I think it’s so easy to go through married life, taking each other for granted. I spoke with …

Read More →
Scroll to Top

podcast

The FamilyLife New Zelaand podcast is now available anywhere you listen to podcasts 

50% subsidy available – Weekend To Remember tickets!

Due to a financial sponsorship provided by one of our generous donors, we have a limited quantity of tickets for a Weekend to Remember available at 50% ($147) OFF the usual price! Use promo code “WTR50off” at checkout to redeem.

Hurry, only 20 subsidised tickets available!